5 Things I Want in Life

It’s been a while since I’ve thought about this. My Bucket List, that is. You see, when I was a teenager, I had a diary. Yes. An actual journal. And I wrote in it frequently. Of the many things that I used to share with it, the recurrent themes where just a few. And these where my deepest cravings. Today, after a long LONG time, I happened to go through my bucket list. It is rather interesting to see what an 18-year-old version of myself craved for. Now, going through those pages, I realize that there are a lot of things that have changed. And there are a lot of things that haven’t. Also, with time, there are a few things that I can proudly tick off.

1. Travel.

That thirst for travel (Picture Courtesy: Google.com)

Through all the ups and downs and the revelations about myself that I’ve been subjected to in the past few years, the one thing that has remained constant is my yearning to get out of my comfort zone and go travel India and abroad. I even have specific places sorted out – Kashmir, North-Eastern states, Calcutta (Don’t ask me why, but it is one of my fav places!) and more.

2. Watching a football match between Barcelona and Real Madrid.

Watching Barca vs RM. Ah..the sheer delight! (Picture Courtesy: http://www.scaryfootball.com)

 Being a rather peace-loving Spanish soccer supporter, one of the toughest questions that I face time and again is who do I support – FC Barcelona or FC Real Madrid. To this day, I don’t have a clear reply which is amusing considering that Barca and RM are the Batman and Joker of Spanish soccer. All that is left to decide is who is who. *Dodging eggs and stones from pissed off Barca/RM fans*

3. Own a sinfully humongous book collection.

Heaven. (Picture Courtesy: Google)

You see that woman in that picture? Amidst all those books. Sigh. I wanna be that girl. I wanna own books. Like physically. Not that I have anything against e-books. Yet, I personally cannot fathom them replacing printed books. EVER. In my collection, Jane Austen’s, Dick Francis’s, Anne of Green Gables series, Harry Potter series, Lord of the Ring series and the Steig Larsson series would have places of honour. Among a.. oh..million or so other authors that I adore.

4. Live alone.

Having a space to call your own (Picture courtesy: http://www.pinterest.com)

Yes. I know that the concept of living alone isn’t all smooth as it looks. There are bills to be paid (always the first concern) and safety issues to be tackled. Not to mention those bouts of homesickness that you are bound to be infested by. And yet, nothing seems as attractive as being your own master (ahem…mistress sounds a tad too dirty somehow). To have a a place to call my own – to be decorated as and how I want. I know it isn’t gonna be all Aisha-of-Wake-Up-Sid style, but hey, this is my dream!

5. Adopt a baby. Have a on-the-move family.

Family = Love+Respect
(Picture Courtesy: Google)

Okay, I can see your mental snort when you saw that picture. When I say I want a family, I don’t quite mean a brood. Not that I wouldn’t love one, but let’s be practical here. My bank balance doesn’t quite resemble that of the Pitt-Jolie team and isn’t likely to in foreseeable future, unless of course, I hook up with Bill Gates’ son who is 8 years younger to me (Yes. I googled it. Shamelessly, might I add) Considering the improbability of THAT happening, I’d have no means of bringing up 6 kids in the way they should be brought up. So what I want is to adopt a baby girl (I’ve always been rather particular about this) – it started with Sushmita Sen adopting Renee in 2000, I think. I was all of 12 or something when this idea germinated in my head. Since then. it has taken root there, rather firmly. Whether it’ll be able to bloom or not, only time will tell.

So there. I’ve shared some of the things that I’d particularly love to do in my life. What about you? What is it that you crave from your life? What is it that you really wanna do? I’d love to know! 

New Horizons..?

Today was my last day at work. What I have in front of me are 20 days of freedom. Freedom to do absolutely anything and everything. Freedom from having to get up every morning, and drag my ass off to work where I partially enjoy what I do. Don’t get me wrong, it was good while it lasted, but now its time to move on.

The thing about freedom is that its a double edged sword. With freedom from having to work comes the problem called ‘money’. Trust me, it truly is a hell of a problem. Especially once you’ve gotten used to getting a reasonably fat paycheck in your pocket! You have no idea how unbelievably easier life becomes once you have a few extra bucks to spare. The other edge of the sword is this – uncertainty. What comes next?

I’m at this juncture in life wherein I have legitimate doubts of a dream that I was once, sure I’d pursue and (obviously) be good at. But once you’ve met people who set the benchmark at the height of K2, it’s rather difficult to shout out loud that you wanna climb that mountain too. Being out of breathe before you even begin your climb…? Excruciatingly painful. Plus, you identify new streams that give you joy. Maybe not exuberant, jump-off-the-couch-Tom-Cruise-style joy, but joy, nevertheless.And it does make sense to pursue that line of thought,

So what do you do? Which one do you concentrate on – the riskier life-long dream or the safer new-found passion?

Self-liberation – the first step towards sanity.

I’ve heard all those clever quotes you’ve come up with about the ups and downs in life. Especially the one that goes “Life is a roller coaster, but it’s your choice whether to scream or enjoy the life.” Oh my gawd, I am sick of hearing that one being pushed around like an application in the Govt office! You see, I don’t quite get what you mean when you say that you should “smile through your downs” as if I’m auditioning for the role of a heroine in one of those horrendous Hindi serials. Whatever happened to fighting your way through your downs and just doing what you think you should do?

Liberation – Tibetan Dream Painting. A picture does say a thousand words, doesn’t it?
(Picture Courtesy – http://fineartamerica.com/featured/liberation-tibetan-dream-lori-mcnee.html)

I speak about this now as I am facing some very trying times myself. Being somebody who has had a pretty comfortable life with no remarkable sorrows or tensions, this particular phase that I’m facing in my professional life has begun to put a permanent frown on my head. I reach home everyday, tensed, frustrated and pissed off. Add to it the fact that I have this big ego which screams at me for not making everyone like me enough and bam…I have a splitting headache. Everyday. Needless to say, trying times indeed.

So there I was, walking around with a smile on my face and moping around when no one is looking until one day  – I finally had enough. Enough of being the prim and proper, always politically correct professional. I decided that it was time that I stopped doing things just to please others and do things because it felt right. Of course, I’m talking in a professional context now – personally, that’s how I’ve been since I’ve realized that doing what you love is cool. So well, I started communicating – actually communicating, i.e. – in exceedingly civil and polite snippets of honesty and there…I could almost feel a growing bulb of peacefulness within me. My problems are by no means solved, nor am I sure that people think the sun shines out of my arse, for that matter *excuse me for the language mom*, and yet I feel so terribly…liberated. Is that the right term? Yeah, I think so. Self-liberation, the first step towards sanity, I would say.